26950

Joke of the Day

"If I went back in time I'd tell myself... ""Don't wait until 29 to become a stripper. You get to be naked, drunk and get paid for it!"""

"Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if your name was Mweauuuuuaoooeeo"

"Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups? Because they can't even."

"Jack and coke don't go together because Jack is a recovering addict."

"The supplement store said they were out of protein powder... 'No Whey!' I said"

"Remember when Muhammad Ali died? Yeah, neither does he."

"I could see every bottle of ketchup in the restaurant. Heinz sight is 20/20."

"What do you call a golf club in the rear of your car? A backseat driver"

"Did you hear about the magic tractor? It was driving down the road when it turned into a field."

"A man walks in on his roommate, Internet, crying in the other room. When he asks why, Internet sobs: ""Everything I touch turns gay!"""