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Joke of the Day

"Bought that new Mac Book Pro today. Apparently they crush up 100 Japanese children's retinas too make the display. Or something. I zone out."

"What starts with F and ends with UCK? Fuck"

"Dear Men. When a woman is upset, don't ask her what's wrong, but for fuck's sake don't not ask her what's wrong either. Hope this helps."

"Why do atheists scream out 'oh my God' during sex? Because it's unbelievable."

"I was raised by my father. He was a competitive poker player."

"Knock knock. Who's there? She. She who? She'd ............................ get it"

"Why shouldn't you have sex with Linux users? Open sores."

"How do Jews celebrate Christmas? By dancing around the cash register singing ""What a Friend We Have in Jesus"""

"Not looking at my phone during dinner will be the most romantic gesture I will make today."

"They say 2 out of 3 people live next to a pedophile.. But not me. I live next to two really hot 9 year olds."