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Joke of the Day

"My son asked me today, ""Dad, what music did you like growing up?"" ""Led Zeppelin,"" I replied. ""Who?"" he said. ""Yeah, I liked them too."""

"Why did the man with one butt cheek get fired? He did everything half-assed."

"Confucius say, ""Happy wife lead to soft hands... Unhappy wife lead to softer hands."""

"1st girl @ the moon: - Houston, we have a problem - What happened? - Nothing, doesn't matter - Come on - Nothing.. - Tell me - U should know"

"What did the red dog say to the blue dog? Nothing, dogs can't speak."

"This guys car is stopped in the middle of the hwy with his flashers on. Probably thought of a really good tweet."

"RIP Boiling Water You will be mist"

"Dr: So, how did you dislocate your shoulder? Me: I panicked when the blood pressure machine at the store got tigh- I mean football.."

"My friend told me he was flying on a plane for the first time. I told him to have a blast."

"I was disappointed to find out my countertops were linoleum. I guess i took them for granite"