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Joke of the Day

"How much does automail cost? An arm and a leg."

"My wife says ""Don't walk away when I'm talking to you"" when 1. she's not talking, she's yelling, and 2. I'm not walking away, I'm retreating"

"Did you hear about the documentary on perforations? It was terrible"

"It's obvious that God doesn't hate gays; because if he did he would have made a plague or something to wipe them out."

"Did you hear the one about to car that lost its tires? Apparently it was in a wheel hurry."

"No matter how popular they get.. ... antibiotics are never going viral."

"Optimus Prime: ""I transform from a robot into a truck. You?"" Amazon Prime: ""I transform money into regrettable internet purchases at 2 AM."""

"I just managed to determine someones IQ just by hearing her laugh."

"My wife put on her panty hose backward... So I chewed her ass out."

"My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes him cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."