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Joke of the Day

"Remember when you were young and everything was new and you were filled with optimism and hope? Anyway here's a new thing to buy from Apple."

"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the titanic? About halfway"

"School Joke Principal: ""I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all of your teachers. What have you been doing?"" Johnny: ""Nothing, sir."" Principal: ""Exactly!"""

"Star Wars Casting Did you hear Carrie Fischer is going to be in the new Star Wars movies? She is going to be the new Jabba the Hutt!"

"My girlfriend called me a pervert... but what does she know, she's only 13 years old."

"Megan and chicken Knock, knock? Who's there? Megan and chicken Megan and chicken who? He's megan a list and chicken it twice, he's gonna find out who's naughty and nice..."

"what would Netflix even do if i sent them back a DVD of me doing karate they'd have no choice but to add it to their collection i suppose"

"For fun, the next time you have an attractive waitress- Order a ""quickie"" then act surprised when she tells you it's pronounced ""quiche"""

"Responding as if you've just been wrongfully accused of murder when someone on the phone asks if you're still in bed"

"Two hookers on a corner.... One says to the other, ""You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"". The second one thinks for a second and says ""No, but I once got swung around by the nipples"""