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Joke of the Day

"What happened to the gay couple that mistook Vaseline for wallpaper paste? Their wallpaper fell down!"

"Fetty Wap could probably get more girls. Too bad he's not much of a looker."

"How does a white girl prepare for the world? Basic training."

"What is green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers"

"Finally got a phone at my desk. In related news, thanks to me, 56 random people are running to catch their refrigerators."

"What's the difference... between a girls mouth and a girls vagina? There is none! I want my penis to be inside both of these things."

"When I die, I'd like my coffin to be filled with Reese's Pieces so on my headstone it can say ""R.I.R.P."""

"Wife: ""you think all that sugar you fed the kids this morning was a wise idea?"" Me: ""why?"" W: M: W: ""they're running along side the car"""

"A lot of people think your quarter life crisis starts at 25 but actually your whole life can be a crisis."

"I'm a Lit major. I did my thesis on why my car is in the front yard and I'm sleeping with my clothes on."