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Joke of the Day

"Who is always your friend at school? Your princi-pal."

"My grandmother always wanted to be in a gated community So that's why I chose to have her buried at the cemetery when she died."

"Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic."

"The company CEO gives a few words of personal appreciation each year at the holiday party. I got, ""Oh, you're still here?"""

"I told my friend with mesothelioma to get well soon. He told me he was trying asbestos he could."

"I bet Abraham Lincoln would rather go watch another play than watch this debate."

"Why was the 6 month old African baby crying? (x-post from ImGoingToHellForThis) It was having a mid-life crisis."

"No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy's hat sideways."

"What do Monica Lewinsky and NFL players both have in common? It's their knees that go first."

"Jesus must have had a chiseled, muscular body... I mean, he did cross fit, for God's sake. And the Bible tells us he was cut, ripped, and shredded."