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Joke of the Day

"Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord."

"""Yes, I have reservations, but I'll eat here anyway."" - my dad to every hostess ever"

"What toy should you never buy a Jewish child? A Bulldozer!"

"Don't introduce a guy to another guy. No guy needs to know any more guys."

"Whoever named them ""urinal cakes"" has grossly underestimated my love for cake. On a side note, what is the strongest toothpaste available?"

"Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A1: She drops her nail-file!"

"I'm going to throw an awesome surprise party for my daughter when she gets home and realizes I know that she snuck out! SURPRISE!"

"""Oh my god!"" responded the mother as she heard the news. ""Will my son be an alkyne forever?"" ""It's even worse,"" the doctor said, ""he's terminal."""

"I feel like when life gives me lemons I just give them back because I hate holding stuff."

"A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub."