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Joke of the Day

"""Oh my god!"" responded the mother as she heard the news. ""Will my son be an alkyne forever?"" ""It's even worse,"" the doctor said, ""he's terminal."""

"Cops said my blood alcohol level was above the legal limit which is crazy because I don't even drink blood alcohol."

"Why doesn't Hermione keep her money at Gringotts? Offshore investment gains a better return."

"What browser do you use to watch porn? Bill Gates: ""Internet Explorer"" Sundar Pichai: ""Google Chrome"" Tim Cook: ""Safari"" Jared Fogle: ""Tor"""

"Stopped shaving for November, at first I hated the mustache, but what can I say? It's grown on me."

"Once upon a time there were five apples Which was the cowboy? None - because they were all redskins."

"Give me your best golf joke. I work with a guy who claims he's heard ever golf joke there is. So far he's been correct, and has known every joke I've thrown his way."

"What do you call a hoarse Putin? Rasputin"

"A polish guy goes to the ophthalmologist Doctor: Can you read this? C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z Polish: Read? I know that guy!"

"What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !"