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Joke of the Day

"Do you know what the strongest thing in the world is? Exlax, it's a laxative and knocked the shit out of super man"

"What do you call a ship that drives itself? Auto-pirate."

"Why did the man with acute bronchitis go on holiday? Because he had a wee cough"

"What's two holes in a hole ? My nose up your ass."

"What do you call a pretentious mime? A dick in a box."

"My gran keeps banging on about the dangers of the modern world, apparently when she was young she never had to secure her back entrance. What a slag."

"My grandma has dementia the saddest part is watching her slowly forget about Dre"

"I think my neighbour's been stalking me, she's been googling my name on her computer I saw it through my telescope last night"

"It's a dark stormy night. You're scared & alone. You hear a bump in the night. You jump! You scream! Then your cat comes in the house drunk."

"My new bowflex comes tomorrow...so if anyone wants to buy a slightly used bowflex in a couple months let me know."