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Joke of the Day

"My new bowflex comes tomorrow...so if anyone wants to buy a slightly used bowflex in a couple months let me know."

"If I wake up early, it's only because there are a lot of things I want to eat that day."

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using my hand, but I'm thinking of you."

"How many Mexicans does it take to build a... Never mind, they're already done, and they paid for it too."

"What do you call an artist with a brown finger? A Pickassho"

"If your kid is having nightmares & keeps getting in bed with you in the night, a great solution is to go to sleep in full clown makeup."

"#MarriedPeopleIssues You hang up.. No, you hang up... You hang up.... Noooo, you hang up. They're your clothes. I'm not your maid."

"What's the difference between your PC and your Penis? Usually its small, used often and you dont let just ANYONE touch it."

"How does Kanye make Kim Kardashian's eyes twinkle? He shines a flashlight in her ear."

"""Tired"" isn't even a temporary state for me anymore it's more like a part of my personality at this point."