96634

Joke of the Day

"My dad taught me the importance of having convictions in life. Ten felonies later, I now know that some words have more than one meaning."

"What did the duck say to the bartender put it on my bill"

"The Lord said to John, ""Come forth and receive Eternal Life""... But John came fifth and won a toaster."

"I was pretty excited about this box of elbows before I saw that it was only macaroni."

"My daughter may only be one year old today, but she retrieves beer from the fridge at a fourth grade level."

"Bill gates teaching a kindergarten class ""Let's count"" says Gates The children start counting as he told them to. 1,2,3.x,95,98,2000,ME,XP,7,8,8.1,9,10, 10 anniversary edition"

"JESUS: Happy Father's Day, Joe. [hands over present] JOSEPH: Wow, thanks Jesus. I wonder what it- [present is empty] [Jesus and God hi-5]"

"I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, ""Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat's meow."""

"I hate school and got caught skipping the other day... My principal said, ""Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."""

"This guy must really want to impress me with his endurance skills. Because when I asked if he wanted a ride, he said ""No thanks I'll walk"""