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Joke of the Day

"I feel bad for the homeless guy ""I feel bad for the homeless guy, but I feel really bad the homeless guy's dog, because he must be thinking 'Man, this is the longest walk ever"" -Norm Macdonald"

"A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg... I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man. That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!"

"What did the dragonball z fan say when he wanted to go to the toilet? I need to goku the toilet"

"[call] MOM: please be safe in the snowstorm. ME: idgaf about snow i'm a gangster. MOM: what? ME: i said thanks for calling i love you."

"What's the difference between a Penis and a paycheck? Penis is the male reproductive organ. Paycheck is a check that used to pay an employee for his work."

"Donald Trump is sponsoring a new breakfast side dish. Dic-tater tots."

"Kill them with kindness, you say? *slowly and sadly puts down bazooka*"

"Sometimes when I type my brother smashes my keyboard. But luckily it doesn't happen ofteklansiurbkjgnv hgaikuwh GI;OOR;KGHKJh klwhkjalhdhakjshdilBILWU HP KJn kjlgn"

"I bought my shoes from a drug dealer They must have been laced pretty badly, cause I've been trippin all morning"

"I went to my doctor and he told me I had to stop masturbating... I asked him why, and he said ""So I can examine you!"""