68646

Joke of the Day

"A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg... I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man. That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!"

"Advice to women: don't confuse men with credit cards."

"*sees a couple of vacuum cleaners making out* ""Ugh, get a Roomba"""

"I had to break up with my French horn playing girlfriend... ...She was great, but every time we kissed she tried to put her fist in my ass."

"Why do you need to be 35 to be elected president? So women don't get elected."

"Politics in Pakistan You don't cast your vote. You vote your caste."

"I said ""sad face emoji"" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am."

"Dark humor is like a kid terminally ill with cancer It never gets old"

"Why do Ethiopian girls give the best head? They always swallow."

"Archimedes law of bathing When your body immersed in water, the phone rings"