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Joke of the Day

"50% of a woman's magazine is telling you to accept yourself - you're beautiful just the way you are! The other 50% is telling you how to lose 5 lbs in a week."

"Muammar Gaddafi wasn't really that bad...... But his brothers, Larrymar and Curlymar were the worst!"

"What did the sunbathing mother say to Michael Jackson as he walked by on the beach? Would you please move? You're in my sun."

"What do authors do when they are being chased? They make like Dr. Jekyll and Hyde!"

"When someone asks me if I could hold their baby I immediately drop my phone, try to pick it up and drop it again twice, and then say ""Sure""."

"the thing i hate about job applications Job applications are like, ""If you're working & Frank looks upset, what do you do? I turn around and do my job, fuck Frank"

"What's brown, smelly and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre"

"What do you call a man with a nose but no body? nobody knows"

"I learned a very important lesson at Mount Rushmore. The best presidents were stoned."

"I love milk... It's got lots of cowcium."