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Joke of the Day

"If your surname is Rice and you don't name your kid, Fried then I can never be friends with you."

"Have you tried complaining about it for hours?"

"Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How shitty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?"

"What do you get when you put a woman's face on a $10 bill? $2.23 in change."

"The worst part about working with a bunch of dicks... ...is they tend to rub off on you."

"What is a double-blind study? Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram."

"Ramen again? This guy's a mess. -mice in my kitchen"

"(Someone finally shuts off a car alarm) Philip Glass: (sticks head out of apartment window above) HEY I WAS LISTENING TO THAT"

"Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because D-shells are too big and B-shells are too small."

"Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!"