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Joke of the Day

"I opened a company selling landmines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof."

"When you complain about dropping your phone remember that there are people who are starving who'll totally make you another one."

"My wife came out of the shower and said, ""I shaved ""down there"". You know what that means?"" I said, ""Yeah you clogged the drain again."""

"After I got divorced, my former wife told me about a movie she gave 2 thumbs up that I should definitely take the kids to see. I told her, ""That wouldn't be appropriate. That movie is ex-rated"""

"What's the difference between a Jew and a Canoe? Every once in a while a Canoe would tip."

"I once dated a girl who owned a parrot. The thing would never shut the f@#K-up! but the parrot was cool though!"

"ISIS should hire me... I have a lot of experience when it comes to bombing, especially on final exams."

"How do you stop a nuclear bomb from squeaking...? ...WMD40."

"I want to leave this world the way I entered it... By accident!"

"corny joke I was going to tell you a joke about farms, but it was corny"