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Joke of the Day

"""Hey buddy, you wanna buy a harmonica?"" I opened my coat and got hit by a gust of wind, making the worst sound in the world"

"if you're feeling stressed out, just relax, take a deep breath, and exhale fire over all of your enemies. this is more for dragons btw"

"""Mah son's real smart!"" crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance. ""He's only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!"" ""What's his name?"" asked the friend. ""Bob."""

"How do hobbit flowers grow? Through Frodo-synthesis."

"Tips to reduce weight: First turn your head to the right, then turn it to the left. Repeat this every time you are offered something to eat."

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? You 'neek up on it. Wanna know how to catch a tame rabbit too? The tame way."

"Why does a milking stool have only three legs? Because the cow has the udder!"

"Dear men, if you stopped seeing your wife as a woman, it doesn't mean that all men are blind."

"Exactly 4 years ago, I asked my college crush out. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"I like the NSA They're the only government agency that listens"