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Joke of the Day

"Social Justice Warriors are so sensitive that... Social Justice Warriors are so sensitive that they don't need a Large Hadron Collider to locate the Higgs-Boson Particle."

"A lot of people have been asking me what I'll be doing in 5 years' time? C'mon guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS? How would I know, I`m just a US Air Force Operator."

"You never really realize how messed up your family is, until you start describing them to people that don't know them."

"Big bad wolf says to LittleRedRidingHood: Ho-ho-ho - I'm going to eat you all up! LittleRedRidingHood says: ""Eat, eat, eat. Doesn't anyone wanna fuck anymore?"""

"GIRL: l'm tired of bad boys and their bs. I want a good boy, for a change. ME [clearly a golden retriever]: *turns to camera and winks*"

"I'll never forgive the Nazis for how they treated my Granddad in that concentration camp during the war... Five years he was there on that machine gun tower, and never got a single promotion..."

"Oh, it's your ""birthday month?"" That's nice, grown adult. I hope you don't survive it."

"""Owen, you must hide this baby, at all costs, from Anakin Skywalker."" ""Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?"" ""Seems fine."""

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently more than 5, because my basement is still dark."