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Joke of the Day

"Do cats like Deadmau5? I mean he is a mouse himself, but maybe they like the concept?"

"My 5-year-old found two pennies and shared one with her sister. I grounded them both because I'm not raising any communists."

"Did you hear the one about the shipwreck where only the limbless mute survived?"

"Don't forget to celebrate Columbus Day by moving in to someone else's house and telling everyone it's yours, then closing the post office."

"If anyone finds 786 barely used tubes of Chapstick around my city, they're mine. I need them all back."

"Rolls down car window. Throws caution to the wind. Spends an hour cleaning caution off the side of the car."

"Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon? Because it was a full moon and there was no room."

"My wife got naked and asked me to ""show her a good time"" so I showed her photos of me and my friends before we got married."

"Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn't leave much room. It's small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it."

"There's an omelet in the fridge. I want it. However, I can't have it... It's eggspired."