95979

Joke of the Day

"Procrastination is a dish best served tomorrow."

"Three legged dog Did you hear about the three legged dog that walked into the bar looking for the man that shot his paw."

"Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Cause he can't do stand-up."

"My heart is like an onion... I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again"

"[Meeting girlfriend's parents] Me: Well Mrs. Ashford, I can see where Elle gets her good looks! <Mr. Ashford sulks the rest of dinner>"

"M-I can't go. My Ewok is sick. H-Gigi that's a stuffed animal. M- H- M-Crap. I think you're right. I bet he ate all my Doritos again."

"What if that light at the end of the tunnel you see when you die is just you being born from another vagina?"

"If you think the USA can shoot down nuclear missiles fired by North Korea just remember we couldn't even have lights at the Super Bowl."

"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, But you'll have to find a really big lightbulb to fit them in there."

"What's the best thing about fucking a transvestite? Reaching around the front and thinking, just for a second, that's it's gone all the way through"