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Joke of the Day

"Nothing will get this Billy Joel song out of my head. At this point, I'm praying for a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack."

"Highways are a lot like toilets... It only takes a couple big shits to back everything up."

"are those your eyebrows, or did you headbutt a box of Sharpies"

"Atleast my crippling depression keeps me going I'm a real self-loathivator"

"In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds. How is that person still alive?"

"I laid here for almost 10 minutes before anyone asked if I was okay after I pretended to get elecrocuted by the copier. Fuck these assholes."

"You know you have problems when you mentally click a ""like"" button every time you see something that pleases you.."

"How did the Pharaoh feel after falling for a craigslist scam? Egypt"

"What is the opposite of Polygamy? > What is the opposite of Polygamy? Monotony"

"I got my wife a plunger for her birthday... because she just LOVES bringing up old shit."