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Joke of the Day

"I laid here for almost 10 minutes before anyone asked if I was okay after I pretended to get elecrocuted by the copier. Fuck these assholes."

"[pet therapy] THERAPIST: ok slow ME: *pets 2 dogs* T: just 1 M: *pets 3 dogs* T: Nurse, restrain him, he's M: *pets 4 dogs* T: roverdosing"

"My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying ""when i was your age.."" and then describing what i did 3 days ago"

"I'd have more sympathy for Sony's alleged loss of $200 million if that weren't the cost of like three large popcorns at any movie theater."

"I told my doctor that i broke my arm in two places He told me to stop going to those places"

"Pavlov's bell, but it's me reading an email that I think says winebar when it's actually webinar."

"The actor who plays Wolverine once owned a sea cow, but it was murdered... ...it was a crime against Hugh's manatee."

"The longest Joke in the world. I don't know if its ever been posted on here but here it is again if it has! http://longestjokeintheworld.com/"

"I don't care what they say, the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert."

"Two pancakes walk in the desert. One of them tells the other one: ""Your jam fell off."""