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Joke of the Day

"Don't have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I'm close to my destination"

"I'm not Catholic, but I've given up picking my belly button for lint."

"They found the charred body rolled into an old carpet, locked inside the trunk of a burned out car. The police suspect foul play."

"I couldn't find the thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it. Apparently she left me yesterday."

"My wife told me ""My gynecologist says I can't have sex for two weeks"" I said ""And what did your proctologist say?"""

"The hardest part of measuring Trump's package.. Is sneaking a ruler into Chris Christie's mouth"

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him."

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

"In case nobody has Facebook, it's cold outside."

"The widow ask the doctor ""Why did my husband die?"" Doctor responds: ""Heavy drug use, ma'am"" Widow: ""But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!"" Doctor: ""I know, but I did"""