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Joke of the Day

"Don't have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I'm close to my destination"

"Sometimes I sit on my hand till it's numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name"

"If I were president my approval rating would be bananas, because as president I would change all rating systems to types of fruit."

"I think I missed the driver ed class on how inching forward every 5 seconds at a red light makes it turn green faster."

"What do you call a blue-eyed blonde that doesn't eat meat? A vegetaryan"

"I got kicked out of Monochromes Anonymous for using colourful language."

"What do books wear on a rainy day? Rain Quotes"

"What's the common thing between Mercedes and iphone 6? Mercedes Benz..."

"What time of day are you not able to find your watch? 4:04"

"My hearing-impaired GF left me for a hearing-impaired man. I should have seen the signs."