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Joke of the Day

"trump Donald trump-worlds biggist douche"

"How do you prevent 9/11? Make it a Malaysian airlines flight."

"Someone hired a sloth with a knife to murder me, he's in my driveway, so I have 6-8 months to live"

"The wife just walked out of the store with bags and didn't notice me standing here. Maybe I need to put 75% off on my T-shirt"

"wow, i thought what we had was special, you met my family and made me dinner, now you say you're a ""waiter"" and you're just ""doing your job"""

"You know why those automatic sensor sinks save water? Because none of them fucking work"

"There's a reason why baseball is America's favorite pastime. It's way past it's time of being relevant."

"So I just asked my SO's mother the agenda for tomorrow's festivities... And my girlfriend interrupted with ""Well I'll be female""."

"Dyslexia The difference between baking ricin vs. rice pudding for your friends and family this holiday season."

"If I could make the ultimate scary animal, I'd make it hybrid with the head of a bear, bear claws, and the body of a bear."