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Joke of the Day
"How do you prevent 9/11? Make it a Malaysian airlines flight."
Next Joke
"Don't be sad when your exes unfollow you. It just means they'll spend more time manually checking your updates"
"*wakes up early on weekend *makes 12 pancakes *wakes kids up ""Daddy, can we have waffles today???"" *eats 12 pancakes"
"Walking into a fro-yo shop is probably what it's like walking into a Japanese girl's purse."
"Why do thieves have such a hard time understanding sarcasm? They take things literally"
"A thief broke into my house last night. He was searching for money, ...so I woke up and started searching with him."
"I saw a tree harassing people today... So I told it to leaf them alone."
"What do you call a mentally ill person without arms and legs? Call him whatever you want, its not like he's gonna get up and do anything about it."
"Why did the illiterate man with the 3 foot penis get dumped by his girlfriend? TLDR"
"My mother-in-law said ""just do what you normally do"" when she came to stay with us. Not going to lie, naked Saturday was a little awkward."