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Joke of the Day

"What's black and white and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a spear through her head."

"[on first date] Yes I'll have the- *whispers to waiter* I don't speak French *points at menu* ""The French toast, sir?"" Yeah. 6 of those."

"At first I thought drag racing games would be difficult.. Turns out, they're pretty straight forward."

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? a fsh."

"Remember how in Lord of the Rings they slept out under the stars? It was pretense."

"My neighbours just submitted a petition that I stop setting traps for stray pigs after I caught my 16th police man today."

"What's the difference between a toilet and a drummer? A toilet only has to deal with shit from one asshole at a time."

"There was a vote at the offices of Microsoft whether to update a beloved software or keep it the way it was. Bill Gates decided to v2 it"

"With Zyan Malik leaving 1D.. *zyan malik or whatever leaves 1d. *Kayne West gets in. *kicks everyone out of the band. *there's room for only 1 direction homie. *it's West."

"What do you call people who immigrate to Sweden? Artificial Swedeners"