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Joke of the Day

"My neighbours just submitted a petition that I stop setting traps for stray pigs after I caught my 16th police man today."

"Relationship status: I shout ""PIZZA'S HERE"" so the delivery guy doesn't think I'm eating two pizzas by myself."

"You now that fucker that always needs to have the last word? He is called Edit."

"""The iPad is a bigger version of the iPod touch.""Yep, and my dick is a bigger version of urs.Think about that while I go do big dick things."

"I'm thinking of doing my part and getting into taxidermy... It really is a dying art."

"Nothing says' I love my dog' quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own."

"What do you call a bear that is not Jewish? Gentile Ben"

"Why is it so difficult for people with breast cancer to remember things? They have bad mammaries."

"They say if you love something you should set it free... So I left my exwife in the middle of the woods...."

"I want to get a medical bracelet that says, ""Shy"" so I can I just hold it up during social situations."