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Joke of the Day

"I keep burning food with my Presidential Debate microwave... I set it for 2 minutes but it never stops on time."

"I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar. I guess there is life on Mars after all."

"I just called. To say. I texted you."

"Batman: ""Shall we watch a film?"" Superman: ""Have you got Cape Fear?"" Batman: ""Only in revolving doors. Now, a film?"""

"What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has its claws at the end of its paws, and one is a pause at the end of a clause."

"My brother was born backwards... His nose runs and his feet smell."

"My youngest son can now reach the light switches, so don't come over to my house, unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure."

"First monster: That pretty girl over there just rolled her eyes at me. Second monster: Well you'd better roll them back to her she might need them."

"What do you have when you got a bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniel's? Jackpot!"

"Add 5 years onto your age That's how old you'll be in 5 years."