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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has its claws at the end of its paws, and one is a pause at the end of a clause."

"Who's the idiot that called it ""The Wizard of Oz"" and not ""The Flair Witch Project""?"

"""So you spend 6 bucks on a beverage that has no booze in it on purpose?"" -me to everyone at Starbucks."

"wife *resting after surgery* me wife me [holding flowers and a Transformers birthday balloon] They didn't have any that said ""Get Well Soon"""

"If you love someone: 1. Set them free 2. Drunk dial them 3. Read too much into their FB posts 4. Make them feel sorry for you 5. Die alone"

"I like my woman how I like my burritos Wet"

"My wife is a psycho, this tweet isn't a joke its a cry for help."

"What's the hardest thing about roller-blading? Telling your parents you're gay."

"You guys hear the one about the Middle Eastern guy? He wanted to be a terrorist but then he'd just falafel."

"Great idea Journalist: What do you think of western civilization? Gandhi: I think it would be a great idea!"