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Joke of the Day

"Everything my boy friend ever said to me was a lie. Every. Fcuking. Thing. Except the part about how pretty I was, that was true."

"There is no 'I' in narcissism. OK, there are a couple but there certainly isn't enough of them."

"MUGGER: Empty your pockets! ME: But these are cargo shorts. (45 min later) ME: That's the left one MUGGER: Seriously. ME: I am SO sorry"

"Who's the top selling author in Russia? Salman Rush B"

"What did the tailpipe say to the muffler? I'm exhausted. What did the muffler say back? ^mmmmbfmbm"

"How does a lawyer sleep? He rests his case..."

"Ignorance is bliss, and rampant."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call it, it won't come."

"I'm upset. I'm two years into engineering school and... I haven't even started learning how to drive a train"

"Who's the most unpopular person at the Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch football match? The person who shouted ""Give me an L!"""