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Joke of the Day
"There is no 'I' in narcissism. OK, there are a couple but there certainly isn't enough of them."
Next Joke
"Bono heated and cooled his vodka over and over, filtering it to try and get the perfect taste... But distill hasn't found what he's looking for."
"When is a Pixie not a Pixie? When its head is up a Fairy's skirt, then it's a goblin."
"A cannibal walked into a female patient's surgery room... ""I'll take the eggs, please."""
"Your eyes are like stars. Not because they are bright and beautiful. But because they are so far apart."
"Why do people always talk in absolutes? I would never do that. It's the worst."
"Since instagram is down I'm not sure if there was a sunrise today or if anyone ate any food? I feel lost."
"*First Date* Me: *Flirting* You have to promise not to fall in love with me. Him: There's cheese in your hair. And we haven't eaten yet."
"I bought some green apples about a week ago I can't believe they're still not ripe"
"""You give me one leather jacket, I invest it, then give you back TWO leather jackets!"" - Fonzi Scheme"