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Joke of the Day

"They say you can find out what kind of person someone is by the porn they watch... ...turns out I'm a lesbian."

"*tweets about new invisibility cloak invention* *forgets where he left it*"

"I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he's a compulsive liar, but I don't believe him."

"Idea: ""Celebrity Price Is Right"" where Gwyneth Paltrow guesses that loaves of bread cost $460"

"Everyone on reddit seems to want a secular Turkey... My fat ass just wants a succulent one."

"Hey, bus driver... Would you stop and let me and my friend, Jack off?"

"How do you make a dog say meow? Put it in the freezer, then get a chainsaw and cut it. MEEEEEEEOOOWWW!!"

"Who is the wealthiest shellfish in the sea? [x-post from r/underwaterjokes] It's Prawnold Trump!"

"Yo momma so fat when she had turkey at thanksgiving She ate the whole damn country"

"My family tree is a cactus, we're all pricks."