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Joke of the Day

"I plan to swim all the way to Paris my friends think I'm In-Seine."

"My new girlfriend says she has a water fetish apparently it gets her wet"

"You lost your phone when its' on silent? well too bad! If you liked it, you should have put a RING on it."

"I was very impressed by this child's witch costume. Until I realised she was just an ugly midget in a black dress."

"Wife: ""Notice anything?"" Me: ""Is it your hair, shoes, dress, eyelashes, mascara, lipstick, or nails?"" Wife: ""You forgot to wear pants."""

"Why roboticize vacuuming? It's all instant gratification. It's the crack of cleaning."

"Where does a general keep his armies? In his sleevies!"

"We need a ride home. ""I called a Gruber"" Don't you mean an Uber? [villain from 1988 Die Hard arrives in black Prius]"

"Why'd the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field."

"Have you heard about the pig who took up disco dancing? He liked to swing his weight around."