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Joke of the Day

"One of the hardest parts of being a parent is discovering your 6 year old is better than you at every video game ever."

"It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty. But he had a great fall."

"I tell my child, ""10 minutes till bed!"" She hears me say, ""Go put on a Halloween costume."" Why?"

"What's the second hardest thing in the morning? Getting out of the bed!"

"Being high in front of your parents is like trying to do your best impression of yourself."

"First, there was planking, then owling and milking, now there's Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be thinking, that would be great."

"This dumbass next to me on the highway is texting and driving."

"Some people are here for laughs. Some for therapy. Some for sex. Me? I'm here to learn the difference between your and you're."

"If I got $1 every time somebody called me a racist black people would rob me"

"Giving your kid a recorder and telling him to go home and practice is how teachers get revenge on society for paying them so poorly."