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Joke of the Day

"I don't see countries or borders, I don't see color or race or anything that differentiates people. Seriously, I think I fucked up my eyes."

"What's that Lassie? Bark! Yes I have a few moments of free time Bark! Goddammit lassie no I don't want to hear about Jesus"

"Please don't tell my three year old his oversized black calculator isn't really an iPad. He'd be crushed to learn his dad lied to him."

"I'm going to make end of the world jokes... ... Like there's no tomorrow"

"Why are Norwegian women so hot? The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones!"

"Is it just me, or are there other people?"

"*opens fortune cookie* there's rice on your face *grabs wifes and opens it* still there *grabs one from next table* I can do this all night"

"How many amoebae does it take to change a lightbulb one no, two no, four eight, 16, 32...."

"I got a handjob from a blind girl last night. She said ""You've got the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on."". I said ""Nah, You're just pulling my leg.""."

"What did the biologist's sister say to her sister after she dropped a beaker on her foot... Mitosis"