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Joke of the Day

"I don't see countries or borders, I don't see color or race or anything that differentiates people. Seriously, I think I fucked up my eyes."

"Everytime I have sex... It's really hands on."

"My hobbies are scrolling through twitter, charging my phone and being generally dissatisfied with things."

"Ja Rule's music is just like his taxes No one can remember the last time he released anything."

"How much for these old batteries? For you? No charge."

"Give a man a hamburger and you feed him for a day; teach a man to hamburgle and you feed him for a lifetime."

"My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... ...so I went out and got drunk."

"Why do black people get hit by cars more during winter time? Because they're easier to spot"

"What do you call a protein that has anger management issues? Amino acid!"

"What do Downton Abbey and Premenstrual Syndrome have in common? They're both period drama"