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Joke of the Day

"Google, Microsoft and Disney are among suitors for Twitter Will it be Twoogle ? Twindows ? The Wonderful World of Tweets ? Be prepared"

"The best part about having a homeless girlfriend? After the date, you can just drop her off anywhere."

"I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey... But then I turned myself around"

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."

"Even crazier than posting photos of your food, is what you actually look like hovering over your meal snapping pictures."

"What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute."

"I masterbate because I'm the only one with standards low enough to fuck me. - Bo Burnham"

"I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say, ""I would do anything for love."" On the back, ""But I won't do that."""

"So, its blasphemy you want? Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a sand-nigger."

"My son, who is 10, just explained that the things he did when he was 7 no longer reflect the person that he is now. I need a drink."