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Joke of the Day
"Went into the kitchen to look for pot and all I found were pans."
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"Are you surprised at life in general or is that just the way you plucked your eyebrows?"
"If life was fair, Ryan Gosling would have been born with Ray Romano's voice."
"Two kittens are on a slanted roof, which one slides off first? The one with the least mew."
"You guys know that dude Jesus? Yeah, I heard he was a real thorn in the Romans' side"
"[on the phone with an ex while violently twisting and stabbing a voodoo doll] Are you sure you're ok?"
"When you get to your wit's end, You'll find God lives there."
"My dick was in the Guinness Book of World Records... But then the librarian told me to take it out."
"what do exorcists and alcoholics have in common? They both treat their demons with spirits!"
"People Against Queuing, now thats a cause I can get behind!"