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Joke of the Day

"How do you fix a deaf car? With an engin*eer.*"

"What do you call the crucified baby Jesus? Baby on board."

"I heard thatZoolander 2 was worse than the Holocaust... At least the Holocaust was organized."

"Why was the guitarist arrested? Because he was fingering A minor..."

"My 3 yr old puts himself in timeout whenever he doesn't want to do something we ask him to. Pretty sure he just beat the system."

"It's cute how the news wants me to stick around until 11 for the forecast. As if I didn't have 17 other ways to get that info in seconds."

"I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY but I'll take it."

"I've made 20,000 tweets. And I've never tried to sell you anything except the idea that tampon jokes are funny."

"Dear Satan, God never healed my dyslexia so I'm looking for new religion. Please send some pamphlets. And tell Rudolph hey. Love, Me"

"There once was a mouse called Keith Who did circumcisions for free with his teeth; He didn't do it for pleasure, Excitement or leisure... He did it for the cheese underneath."