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Joke of the Day

"How do you call a dog that likes to be on the Internet? A Labragoogle."

"*termites on date* Waiter: what would you like to order, sir? Termite: table for two."

"Sometimes I run alongside trains, tearfully waving, just so people will think I have a girlfriend."

"Got a hot new neighbor, I finally have something to look at with my night vision goggles besides raccoons."

"Why did Jimmy get into a horrific car accident? He let God take the wheel Edit: *Jesus.* He let *Jesus* take the wheel"

"Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. ""Oy Abraham I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse"". ""Ssh!"" hisses the other ""It's not till next week""."

"Apparently Gary Glitter is applying for the Villa manager's job... after hearing the strikers were Bent, Young and possibly Keane"

"Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?"

"I once told a guy I was going to attack him with the neck of a guitar... The guy said, ""IS THAT A FRET?"""

"My greatest fear on Monday is greeting someone and asking someone how their weekend went and they actually telling me every mundane details about it."