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Joke of the Day

"My greatest fear on Monday is greeting someone and asking someone how their weekend went and they actually telling me every mundane details about it."

"Despite the cost of living... It still remains so popular."

"My dad caught me masturbating the other day. He said ""son, you'll go blind"" I said ""dad, I'm over here"""

"I'm the kind of guy who peeks under bathroom stalls and asks where you go for taxes."

"I didn't know angels could fly so low."

"Want to know how to stop the ""Not My President"" Riots? Play the National Anthem and they'll all kneel."

"Why did the cat sleep under the car ? Because she wanted to wake up oily !"

"How did Arnie convince his wife to move in with him? ""Live vit me if you vant to cum"""

"You know you have an awesome bra... when you can do the entire Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes' song.... with just a slight adjustment of the shoulder straps!"

"My Grandfather I'll never forget my grandfather's last words.. ""Are you sure you're holding the fucking ladder?"""