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Joke of the Day
"Superman ruins a lot of button down shirts."
Next Joke
"Damn gurrrl, is that chocolate on your face? *licks face* Damn gurrrl, that is not chocolate on your face."
"TIL I haven't actually been having conversations with my furniture... My toaster told me"
"What's Green and has 5 Wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels! Shnockers"
"I told my dentist I wanted whiter teeth so he named them all Bryce and moved them to a gated community."
"""Imma let you spinach"" - Kanye ft. Popeye"
"Antenna's Wedding Two antennas got married. The ceremony was awful but the reception was awesome."
"[At supermarket] ""Excuse me do you work here?"" WHAT? ME? Work HERE? Hell no. I went to college. I don't have a job"
"Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself."
"I was in a gang once we used to carry pocket knives & wear all green with blood-red bandanas around our neck. Wait, that was Boy Scouts."