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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a Doctor's office screaming, ""I'm a wigwam, I'm a TeePee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a TeePee!"" The Doctor Says, ""You're too Tense"""

"Today I will be communicating exclusively through farts and meows"

"Girlfriend is having trouble opening an oyster at dinner. She hands it to me to open. Just as I pry it open, I say, ""The easiest way to open this is with a little mussel"""

"I told my redneck uncle how I learned about the five pillars of Islam. He said Muslims must all be a bunch of pansies. Just one pillar has always been enough for him, and he sleeps just fine!"

"Yo mama's so fat... That the local all you can eat buffet had to install speed bumps"

"I don't have ADD. It's just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done."

"What did the book say to the librarian? Can I take you out?"

"What do you call an Asian cow in space? The Milky Wei."

"If I had a daycare, I think it would be awesome to get each kid to wear one of those backpack-leash things and make them pull me on a sled."

"I ate at this restaurant last night. After dinner they gave us some strange cookies. I ate that cookie right away but my friends all removed a small paper message from theirs. That cost me a fortune"