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Joke of the Day

"Girlfriend is having trouble opening an oyster at dinner. She hands it to me to open. Just as I pry it open, I say, ""The easiest way to open this is with a little mussel"""

"A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: ""And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"" the reporter asked. She simply replied ""No peer pressure."""

"I just don't get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?"

"Why did the clown refuse to juggle? He didn't have the balls to do it."

"Yo mama so fat... She auditioned for Gargantua in the movie Interstellar but got rejected for being too fat"

"Last night I had to change a light bulb, a bit later on I crossed the road, then walked into a bar... I began to realize my life was one big joke."

"I was once kicked out of fat camp for being a little debbie downer."

"Quentin Tarantino + Johnny Depp = Rango Django"

"What did the candle say when it couldn't sleep due to his own candlelight? There ain't no rest for the wicked"

"What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast? 'Ommm' lettes!"