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Joke of the Day

"Girlfriend is having trouble opening an oyster at dinner. She hands it to me to open. Just as I pry it open, I say, ""The easiest way to open this is with a little mussel"""

"What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus? I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples."

"I wish life was like a bad hand of spades No Trumps . . . . . . . . . ...I'll see myself out."

"Rihanna's restraining order against Chris Brown says he cannot ""harass or annoy"" her. I want one of those against everyone ever."

"A Mexican, a Cuban, and a Puerto Rican are in the back seat of a car. Who's driving ? Immigration. (ICE)"

"What did the man say when the bass was too loud for his ears? ""That megahertz"" What did the woman get in response when she asked if his ears were okay? 100 watts"

"What did one boob say to the other boob? You're my breast friend. Badum-tits."

"What sexual position makes the ugliest babies? Ask your mom"

"I got a cheap circumcision yesterday... It was a rip off."

"Roses are red, violets are blue Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two"