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Joke of the Day

"I hold my 440mL Pepsi can in the same way i hold my iPhone 5 With regret"

"*opens drawer* huh, I don't remember this shirt being pink. OMG...did he...did he do laundry? *slowly opens 2nd drawer* -Law & Order sound"

"Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you're on a cruise!"

"How do Russians drive to Alaska? By bearing straight"

"Four Worst Feelings Ever: 4. Losing your job 3. Romantic break up 2. Death of a loved one 1. Needing to pee when you're stuck in traffic"

"When Kelis sang about her milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard... ...do you suppose she was referring to her dairy-ere?"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No idee-er. (idea) Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? A: Still no idee-er."

"If two past lovers can remain friends, either they never were in love or they still are."

"Why do SJW's hate Programmers? They objectify everything."

"What did the river say when it saw the beavers? I'll be dammed."