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Joke of the Day

"[buys plastic lightsabers for the kids] 5-year-old daughter: Mine is broken. Me: What's wrong with it? 5: It doesn't even cut off arms."

"What do you call a gay orgy? A fruit salad"

"What is one thing you always get on your birthday? Older"

"Little Red Riding Hood is my favorite story about an idiot who can't tell the difference between a human and a wolf."

"What's the difference between a large chested lobster and a dirty bus stop? One's a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station."

"What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken!"

"[OC] What did Remus Lupin say to Nymphadora Tonks? I'm a-lookin'... And I'm a lycan."

"I asked my wife to tell me something that made me happy and sad at the same time... She said ""Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.""."

"Question: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants? Answer: He heard the snowblower coming."

"How to deal with anger and resentment toward someone: 1. Write down feelings and put message in a bottle 2. Break bottle over person's head"