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Joke of the Day

"How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words."

"What do you call a bear that is missing all of its teeth?? A Gummy Bear!"

"This is just a quick reminder that we're all gonna die one day so don't get caught up in petty shit also stop stealing my tweets Greg."

"Police last night raided the Home For Retired Thieves and Au Pairs.... ...they proceeded to search every crook and nanny!"

"You think life as a woman is hard? Try peeing with an erection."

"Theravada Monks purge all their earthly possessions to express their faith and pursue spiritual stillness of mind. I did it because fleas."

"Doctor: Have you ever had this before? Patient: Yes. Doctor: Well you've got it again!"

"What's up, girl? Do you like bad boys [kicks rug] or good guys [fixes rug]?"

"A thief broke into my house last night. He was searching for money, ...so I woke up and started searching with him."

"(meeting for naming cereal) ""List the ingredients; maybe we'll get inspired."" ""Honey, bunches of oats"" ""I think we're done here."""