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Joke of the Day

"People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS"

"Today I met this electrician... Sadly I can't remember Watt his name was."

"Sometimes I draw a penis on my face before I go out so people know I'm there to fucking party."

"Had a big mix up at the store today, apparently when the clerk said ""strip down facing me,"" she meant my credit card."

"Q: What's black and blue and laying in a ditch? A: A guitarist who'd told too many drummer jokes."

"What's a Jewish person's least favourite subreddit? r/showerthoughts"

"I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it."

"How do you get a little old lady to say the f* word? Get another old lady to say ""BINGO!"""

"I hate lying people, they're always in my way to the ocean."

"Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I'm 73."