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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I draw a penis on my face before I go out so people know I'm there to fucking party."

"My dumb friend told me the 'pull my finger' joke ends w you farting, NOT shitting your pants. He's wrong, right? RIGHT???"

"I used to be a circumcist. The pay was shit but I got to keep the tips"

"ME: will it hurt? DR: u ever been stung by like, 500 bees? ME: omg no! DR: ok. that's not what it's gonna feel like. I was just wondering"

"Why do gay people like math? Because of *bi*nomials!"

"What happens to a tipped cow? They can't MOOve"

"Did you hear about Disney's new Tick Tock Crock ride? It's killer."

"On bad days I like to take a pregnancy test to remind myself that things could be much worse."

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and pimples? Pimples will wait till you're 14 to come on you're face."

"Learning spanish is bloody hard. I wish the english had conquered more of the world, I'm suffering from their laziness"