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Joke of the Day

"If someone tells you they don't like some particular word, do not torment them with it. To do so is totally moist."

"What does Mr. Miyagi do while Daniel-san waxes the car? He wax off."

"Opinions are like mixtapes... I don't want to hear yours."

"I got all my coworkers condoms and bibles for Valentines Day because I'm praying they get laid"

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the crap out of the room for being black."

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? A mega sore ass."

"[typing] Me: Is it DISCREET or DISCRETE? Wife: 2nd. Me: Is ""polyamorous"" hyphenated? Wife: No. Why? Me: It's for work. When's your flight?"

"""Mom, I found out I had colon cancer today."" ""REALLY? What are the symptoms??"" ""Why do I always have to start a list..."""

"[argument w/girlfriend] HER: you know what your problem is? ME: no, *grabs pen and begins taking notes* but i'm about to find out"

"What is Christopher Reeves' favorite band? The Talking Heads"