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Joke of the Day

"If someone tells you they don't like some particular word, do not torment them with it. To do so is totally moist."

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"What does Mr. Miyagi do while Daniel-san waxes the car? He wax off."
"Opinions are like mixtapes... I don't want to hear yours."
"I got all my coworkers condoms and bibles for Valentines Day because I'm praying they get laid"
"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the crap out of the room for being black."
"What do you call a gay dinosaur? A mega sore ass."
"[typing] Me: Is it DISCREET or DISCRETE? Wife: 2nd. Me: Is ""polyamorous"" hyphenated? Wife: No. Why? Me: It's for work. When's your flight?"
"""Mom, I found out I had colon cancer today."" ""REALLY? What are the symptoms??"" ""Why do I always have to start a list..."""
"[argument w/girlfriend] HER: you know what your problem is? ME: no, *grabs pen and begins taking notes* but i'm about to find out"
"What is Christopher Reeves' favorite band? The Talking Heads"